Its at this time of year i often loose my self in in inner work and personal….spiritual work…I want to say evolution, but i think that is more hopful termenology that realistic. Its in the fall,the winter,the dark that i journey within and try my best to, yet again, to root out my personal spirit shards…and try to assimilate them into the whole.
I’ve done this for a great many years, and its only now in my 31st year of life that i feel i am making any sort of progress. I sat watching a movie tonight with my family,so to speak, my mate and a very close shaman friend of ours, and a thought popped into my head:
It is only after we have learned to Love who we Are, that we can learn to love who we Will be and who we Have been.
We are changing beings, who we have been is not who we are now nor is it who we will be in the future. Its not so much as be evolve as we change. we are ever the same being, but in different stages of thought,progress,and growth. like phases of the moon we are ever our selves and ever changing. we wax into our selves we see the far off Mysteries as if they stand right before us and then we wane into our selves and the mysteries become of less importance… and yet…then we flip we spiral back on our selves…like the carvings upon a monolith…we wax again into full life and the mysteries almost disappear…then we wane and the mysteries are all thats important…all that’s left to attain in a world all about physical manifestations.
its at this time of year i stop…look within the cauldron of life and ask;”Who am i?” because really thats the question that leads too all the others…that is the root question. who are you…who are you really beyond what your family taught you, beyond what society taught you, who are you in the depths of your authentic primal self?
Spirit,Owl,Bee they have been talking and trying to help me find that primal self..the first self…but some times its scary to look. Do we take the red thread handed too you upon the breeze..leave normal society behind live by our own rules and possibly be labeled a nutcase…or do we turn it away and remain “normal” accepted and “safe”? do we open our selves to the Divine insanity…or maintain what little sanity we have?
ecstasy or sanity…to some it would be a simple choice, in either direction! but to me its not. do i fit in, even in my own odd nitch, or accept that i can’t that im not meant to, and take the shamans road…that is what i will be working on in this dark season…find my skeletons befriend them then ask their advise…