Like Phases of the Moon Are We

Its at this time of year i often loose my self in in inner work and personal….spiritual work…I want to say evolution, but i think that is more hopful termenology that realistic. Its in the fall,the winter,the dark that i journey within and try my best to, yet again, to root out my personal spirit shards…and try to assimilate them into the whole.

 

I’ve done this for a great many years, and its only now in my 31st year of life that i feel i am making any sort of progress. I sat watching a movie tonight with my family,so to speak, my mate and a very close shaman friend of ours, and a thought popped into my head:

It is only after we have learned to Love who we Are, that we can learn to love who we Will be and who we Have been.

We are changing beings, who we have been is not who we are now nor is it who we will be in the future. Its not so much as be evolve as we change. we are ever the same being, but in different stages of thought,progress,and growth. like phases of the moon we are ever our selves and ever changing. we wax into our selves we see the far off Mysteries as if they stand right before us and then we wane into our selves and the mysteries become of less importance… and yet…then we flip we spiral back on our selves…like the carvings upon a monolith…we wax again into full life and the mysteries almost disappear…then we wane and the mysteries are all thats important…all that’s left to attain in a world all about physical manifestations.

 

its at this time of year i stop…look within the cauldron of life and ask;”Who am i?” because really thats the question that leads too all the others…that is the root question. who are you…who are you really beyond what your family taught you, beyond what society taught you, who are you in the depths of your authentic primal self?

 

Spirit,Owl,Bee they have been talking and trying to help me find that primal self..the first self…but some times its scary to look. Do we take the red thread handed too you upon the breeze..leave normal society behind live by our own rules and possibly be labeled a nutcase…or do we turn it away and remain “normal” accepted and “safe”? do we open our selves to the Divine insanity…or maintain what little sanity we have?

 

ecstasy or sanity…to some it would be a simple choice, in either direction! but to me its not. do i fit in, even in my own odd nitch, or accept that i can’t that im not meant to, and take the shamans road…that is what i will be working on in this dark season…find my skeletons befriend them then ask their advise…

Advertisements

The Goddess always Answers

 

Dragonfly and Crow have been visiting me often.  Just the other day, as i drove down the road on 20th and Connecticut, an entire flock of dragonflies flew infront of my car. All of them of the black and white variety.  Before that i saw 2 solid black ones at my local Hearths Lammas ritual.  Today i have seen 3 of them.  Crow on the other hand keeps singing to  me. I’ll hear her horse voice outside my window or following behind me as i walk into work. A few times ive seen her strutting her stuff right in my field of vision, when seconds before she wasnt there.

The message? Times, they are a changin, my life has changed alot over the past 2 years. However, i have fallen back into some bad habits the biggest one being kidding my self. Not being fully honest with who and what i am.  So the Gods sent me their messangers, reminding me to come back too my self. I think also these where confirmations for me of a few things i suspected.

I suspected that Cailleach was my matron goddess, and in a later post i’ll explain in detail why, but the crow is one of her animals and i think this is Her way of saying,”yes, my child you are Mine.” i humbly accept her offer, though i know it entails walking a slightly darker path than most. I’m ok with that. the name she gave me does mean “beauty and Night” fitting.

However, there was more afoot than just that. I,for several year, had lost my path and i had feared i had lost my connection to the Gods because of that. This full moon was the first time i had had an Esbat in many years. Full moon rituals have always differed for me from other pagans. In the book The Stand, by Stephen King, the character Flag says some thing i find very true: “truth tellers just sorta…hunker down.” i find this true.  So for me full moon rites, beyond being a time for magic, is a time to hunker down with the Goddess.

So i did just that last week. i explained how i liked my new job, but if they didn’t offer me more hours and a more permanent position, i was going to have to leave. I also talked about my Partners father who has been stuck between the worlds in a coma for 3 months now while his body has been ravaged by illnesses. I asked if it was my path to lead him back as a hedgecrosser, and if it not be so to please make his crossing quick for the sake of his family.

To my shock the next day by job offered me more time and work and a secondary position. To my sadness my partners father has gone septic and form this moment has less that 12 hours to live. The Goddess always answers us. Though at times we wish the answer was different. But i am still grateful to know i have Her ear.

Hello world!

Salutations World,

My Name is WillwoStone. I am a wisewoman from the Foot Hills of the Ozark Mountains.  I am a 30 year old women, living with my Partner and personal Giant Thomas and our very spoiled kitty Mochi.

 

This blog will be my Chronicle of my spiritual journeies, adventures and misadventures. For the moment this is all that will be here. however i want you to check out these two blogs from two very gifted women whilst i think up my first awesome blog post:

 

http://witchofforestgrove.com/

http://partingthemists.wordpress.com/